Sheesh! a

Shisha (sheesha) is the Persian word for what’s known as hookah back in my corner of the Western world. We’re talking water pipes today because smoking out of them is an incredibly popular “pastime” in the UAE. It’s not remotely healthy, but it’s my job to report to those who want to know. I’ve only been to one hookah bar in the U.S. but it’s the exact same thing, only much more widely-available here as you don’t need to go to a specialized establishment. Shisha is served in cafés, restaurants, bars, everywhere. In fact, we’ve gone to many places early in the evening where the pipes are already prepped and lined up- choose your flavor and you’re on your way. Because shisha is a social activity, the pipes are colorful and often ornate. For home use, pipes can be bought from stores on every other corner, which is just what I did. Here’s a pic of the lovely lady I chose:

I actually bought my pipe to serve as a centerpiece on my living room coffee table, a fun addition to my mostly-Ikea decorating. It qualifies as a piece of art and is one of the few authentic items I’ve purchased for my apartment. I also figured it would be put to use in social situations, rendering it multi-functional and worth the valuable space it takes up. I shopped for it with Tunisian a friend who was able to bargain the price down (yay for speaking Arabic) to “almost free,” including all accessories.

Now that I actually own one, I realize that this apparatus is fairly labor-intensive as it requires cleaning after each use with different size tiny brushes. Basically, it’s been used once so far, the day I bought it. But it looks pretty. The main components include:

Base or water jar: fairly self-explanatory- the bottom part that needs to be filled with water (or juice or ice)

Hose: a rubber tube that leads from the base to the user’s mouth

Bowl: the top section that houses the tobacco and charcoal

OK, so you put the water in the base. Using the pan pictured here,

heat up some charcoal (silver rectangles in pan above) with your handy-dandy crème brûlée blowtorch. Next, break up some of the gunk (below), which can contain tobacco or tobacco-free herbs; either way it’s supposedly marinated in molasses or honey with added flavoring and other ingredients that I’m absolutely positive are non-GMO, gluten-free, and completely organic:)

Put the tobacco in the bowl, cover it with foil and punch lots of little holes in it. Use tongs to lay a few pieces of charcoal on top and voilà! Shisha! Relax and enjoy ’til cleanup time. Or just order it tableside. Not good for you, but still good!

Adventures in “Plain Al Ain”

Al Ain is an area in the emirate of Abu Dhabi that’s a 90-minute drive from the actual city of Abu Dhabi. My friend Ashley was placed there to work at a middle school near the Oman border. I met her on our first night here; we were both assigned to the 10th floor of the Hotel Intercontinental and spent at least part of every day together until I was given the keys to my apartment. Several weeks later, after settling into our respective new homes, we agreed that a reunion was in order. I decided to go to Al Ain since Ashley had already seen the city and I wanted to get a feel for her new living situation.
Before either of us knew anything about her new home (other than its name) we were talking about our blogs and how she should rename hers to tie in with her current adventure. A few days prior, we had been told that people from Dubai like to call Abu Dhabi “Abu Shabi” because the two cities are always arguing about which one is better and the residents like to get a jab in whenever they can. We finally settled on “Plain Al Ain” because, frankly, it was the best nickname I came up with and it has a nice ring to it. If you can do better, by all means let me know.

Thank God for iTunes

Thank God for iTunes

After my extremely plain drive through the desert to Al Ain- the bonus factor being that it’s just under an hour away from my school- we went shopping to buy her some home furnishings. The following day we flirted with heat stroke at the Al Ain Zoo and laughed about the fact that we didn’t die (we were so hot we barely conversed the whole time). In general, she lives in a pretty regular town. It’s what people here think of as “suburban,” but it’s not like Chicago suburbs at all. It’s very spread out with sand hills all around; shopping is easier than it is in the city but it’s not as bustling by any means. Gas stations are also much more plentiful though, so it does have its good points.
At any rate, Al Ain is the proud home of a mountain called Jebel Hafeet. It’s over 1200m (4000 ft) high, which I didn’t realize until it was too late. Anyone who knows me knows that I have motion sickness issues; I’m usually able to work around them if I’m aware in advance that I’ll be on a boat, or circling endlessly on never-ending winding roads, or riding three roller coasters within an hour, or jumping out of a plane. However, we hadn’t discussed this field trip ahead of time so when I saw the mountain and the ominous road swirling to the top, I was reminded of the out-of-body experience I had while driving to Muir Woods in California and was like “Nooooo, I’m not sure I can handle this.” I’m so jaded that I actually keep Dramamine in my purse, but knew we’d reach our destination before the little miracle pill even kicked in. Since we were in Ashley’s rental car, I opted to let her to continue to drive just to absolve myself of any responsibility should we careen off the road; I begged her to drive slowly and to stop at the photo opp areas so I could physically and mentally re-group. I’m sure she thought I was nuts, as anyone who hasn’t experienced my motion-sickness-in-action would, but we eventually made it to the summit without incident.

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Once there, I was glad I’d held it together. At the top of the mountain sits Mercure, a beautiful oasis resort.
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We walked through the hotel to an outdoor restaurant called Eden Rock, which overlooks the pool on one side and the mountainside on the other. The waiter told us they only offered a prix fixe lunch menu so, having no choice, we went with that. Later, we noticed other diners eating hamburgers and club sandwiches, but we were in it for the experience so we didn’t complain, at least not until we asked to take our leftovers home and the waiter said “we don’t have containers for takeaway.” Of course you don’t; this is the UAE, where nothing makes sense and things are… just the way they are. Unfortunately, the food was so good we would’ve wrapped it in a napkin (aka a tissue here.. really- right out of the cardboard box) or carried it in our bare hands if that was feasible. Instead, we left a feast for the flies that swarmed our table.
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And these were just the apps!

And these were just the apps!

Since it was almost 5pm by the time we finished lunch, we made only one quick stop at the less-than-stellar gift shop before returning to the car. As soon as we began driving I realized that though there are two lanes on the way up the mountain, there’s only one on the way down. I forced Ashley to drive so slowly on the descent that she had to pull over to allow several aggravated drivers to pass us. My extreme concern for our health and safety didn’t stop her from carrying on a non-bluetooth cell phone conversation as we wound down the mountain. But because of her gabbing she completely missed out on seeing an extremely large, oddly-shaped mountain/sand formation that I cannot describe on my G-rated blog so that was her loss. Ashley says I should have interrupted her but I didn’t think she needed any more distractions. In reality, I thought we’d wind past it several times but our path didn’t take us around in a circle the way I’d anticipated. We eventually made it back to her apartment and had some laughs about the takeaway fail and how we didn’t melt into a puddle at the zoo. All in all, a good day and a fun weekend. As usual, we had a great time, made some new friends, and mixed in a little culture with our antics. Although we’ll probably use the nickname the entire time we’re here, Al Ain will never be plain as long as she’s living there.
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Inshallah

Inshallah is an Arabic phrase that translates to “God willing” or “if Allah wills it.” As with so many other phrases, the Arabic translation to English produces various spellings:

Inshallah
InshaAllah
Insha’Allah
Nshallah

I choose to use the form that is easiest for me, as there seems to be no right or wrong way to spell names, places, and phrases here; it has something to do with dropping vowels in Arabic. I’ve tried to grasp the concept but haven’t yet because 1) I don’t know the Arabic language beyond very few words and phrases and 2) this is just SUCH an unacceptable practice for an English teacher.

Use of the phrase “Inshallah” basically acknowledges that you’re submitting to the will of God and whatever happens is the way it’s meant to be. I can see how this fits into the Islamic lifestyle because Muslims believe that God has a plan and it’s all for the best. Because they don’t separate religion and culture, their religious beliefs govern all that is done here- a nice concept but it can be maddening at times.

Setting up house in the UAE has been a tedious process; time can stand still here. I often think of the movie Groundhog Day, where Bill Murray relives the same scenario over and over until he gets it right. We go to the same businesses and stores time and again trying to get service and fix problems. Most issues are resolved at a slow pace, if at all. Meetings start late, class schedules vary weekly, businesses are randomly closed during peak hours. From setting up my bank account to cable/internet, document translation, driver’s license, furniture delivery, car rental, cell phone service, work portal logon info, getting situated often required multiple frustrating in-person visits. In most places, you take a number then wait randomly for your letter/number combo to flash above a ‘customer service’ desk. This can take anywhere from ten minutes to an hour, but you quickly learn that having your number called doesn’t even mean that anyone’s really going to HELP you. Inshallah. God is definitely not willing things to happen as quickly as I am.

I went to the bank twice to finish setting up my online banking and was turned away both times. The first time, the guy told me I needed my passport and resident visa to proceed. I had not yet received my passport back with the visa page in it so I went home defeated. Lo and behold, I learn three days later that my passport is ready for pickup. I return to the same guy at the same bank, armed with every single document I had only to be told that he couldn’t assist me because I can only get help “over the phone”. OMG, are you serious? You’re the same person who told me to come back with my passport and visa! Can we call from the bank right now? No, he doesn’t have a phone. Really? A bank with no phone? Oddly enough, on that particular day, my phone wasn’t working either. “Inshallah, you will have your online banking as soon as you can call them.” Translation: Please leave so I can NOT help the next customer.

Same story with my cell phone but I won’t bore you with the details. “Inshallah, your complaint will be resolved and your phone should work tomorrow.” Ten days and two more trips later, God finally willed it to happen.

My internet appointment was set for Aug 27 but, brace yourself for the shock…. no technician appeared. Turns out the cable company was “out of cable boxes,” probably because they force you to pay for a cable box even if you only want internet. “Can you just send a tech over to hook up my internet? I need to work and Skype my family and I’m sitting in the hallway borrowing wifi from the lucky ones who got connected before the big cable box shortage hit. In fact, I don’t even WANT the cable box!” No, you must wait for the cable box. Inshallah, we will have them soon. Turns out it was God’s will that I had to wait three weeks for internet and no one else could do anything to speed the process along.

Even though I understand the whole “Inshallah” concept, I can’t get past the thought that it’s just carried too far sometimes. The other day, I saw a kid in a car standing on the front passenger seat, facing backwards and flailing his arms at his siblings in the back. Inshallah, little guy, you don’t go through the windshield. Although there’s such a thing as surrendering yourself to a Higher Power, didn’t God give us our own sensibilities for a reason?

I now pronounce Inshallah the same way people at home say “whatEVer!” and I use the phrase in similar instances. I know that’s not the way it was meant to be used, but I don’t think God’s intent is for everything to be in a state of complete disarray all the time, either. InSHALLah, I’ll chill out over time and accept this lifestyle more easily. Meanwhile, InSHALLah, God won’t be mad at me for saying Inshallah like a drama queen all the time. Inshallah, InshAllah, Insha’Allah, Nshallah… whatEVVVVVer!

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Make Mine a Double

More than a few people have asked me about drinking in the UAE. A common misconception is that it’s not allowed, which is most certainly not the case for non-Muslims. However, there are only two choices for the rest of us: go to a private residence or a hotel bar. Taxis are always in order because the UAE has a zero tolerance driving policy. And with the rate that traffic accidents occur around here, it’s not a risk worth taking!

Hotels: With few exceptions, liquor can only be served in hotels. Every hotel has at least one bar, if not several. So far we’ve been to Irish bars, an English pub, a jazz bar, and a couple nightclubs (flashing laser lights and loud music with a driving beat aren’t my thing so I’ve already experienced my first and last visit to two places). What’s popular at some of the clubs are reserved tables where there’s a per person minimum and sometimes a table fee on top of that. It can get pricey: all beer is imported so a pint of Guinness is generally around $9+ while a Budweiser is right on its tails. Mixed drinks are expensive and wine is outrageous. A bottle of wine that’s less than ten bucks back home can go for over $90 in a hotel here. The only saving graces are teacher discounts, happy hours, and ladies’ nights. I know this sounds like I’m out all the time, but once a week is about all I can swing. Seriously. Really.

Liquor Stores: A free liquor license is obtainable online through the “Special Licence” office. The requirements include an online app with the following docs uploaded: Emirates ID, resident visa passport page, passport photo page, and salary certificate. The penalty for drinking without a liquor license can be as much as five years in jail and AED 5000 fine so if you qualify for a license there’s no reason not to get it. Liquor is still expensive in the stores. Hard liquor is priced almost the same as at home, maybe a handful of dollars more per bottle. “Better” beer is about twice the U.S. price. I’ve found a few wines that I’d drink at home and they run double to triple the normal cost as well.

Hotel Brunches: Because Friday is the holy day in the UAE, many businesses have shorter hours, later hours, or are altogether closed. In order to appease the large non-Muslim community, Friday brunch has morphed into a huge, all-day social event. The thing about an Abu Dhabi brunch is that it never ends. The tables don’t turn over, so once you’ve paid your fee you’re in it for the long-haul. There are many different styles of brunches but, in general, picture yourself at a lavish wedding reception minus the bride and groom. Food, music, the works.

Last weekend I attended brunch at the Fairways restaurant in the Westin Abu Dhabi Golf Resort for the first time. It was a birthday celebration (thankfully not mine) so we had a large table of people who were happy to have survived another week at work and ready to kick back. For as big of a change as it is to be here, we all agreed that events like Friday brunch make up for a lot of the weekday hassles. We settled in for four hours of grazing- or gorging, depending on how you choose to see it. Of course, this brunch had it all: soups, cheeses, breads, Mediterranean fare, cooking station with meat and seafood (both raw and cooked to order), sushi, Asian, Italian, countless desserts, etc. We opted to include the bar package, which was only an additional $10 U.S. and is where we got our money’s worth; the hotel may not have even made a profit from us. A good time was had by all. Fortunately, as 4pm rolled around someone came up with the bright idea that we hadn’t had enough fun, so we carried the party to a nearby place and enjoyed good company and a wonderful view for another, umm, four or five hours or so. Enough said.

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The Westin was actually not my virgin experience with this Friday phenomenon. Several weekends ago I had the pleasure of attending the “Welcome Back” brunch hosted by the Irish Society of Abu Dhabi in the beautiful Park Rotana Hotel. The event was from 1-6pm, which was trouble in itself as it not only included the food but an open bar as well, all for the pittance of 180dhs (or $50 USD) total. I arrived at approximately 3pm, as one of my very kind South African co-workers hosted a nice lunch at her house the same day. So, needless to say, by the time I arrived the party was in full swing. Upon entering, there was a huge buffet complete with prime rib, turkey, beef and kidney pie, chicken dishes, mashed potatoes, French fries, Yorkshire pudding, pastas, soups, salads, desserts, and more. There were bars set up in several corners of the ballroom, all crowded with thirsty Irishmen clamoring for drinks. Highlights of this increasingly insane afternoon included music by an Irish DJ, dance contests, and a raffle, By the time the raffle took place the announcers had to call out about 100 numbers for ten prizes because nobody was looking at (or possibly able to find) their tickets. My favorite line of the day came from a guy who was teetering in front of me at the bar: “Two vodka cranberries- easy on the ice, heavy on the vodka.” Yeah, that’s just what you need, buddy. Multiply that mentality by 600 people and I consider this people-watching extravaganza $50 well-spent. Such a delightful time was had that I’m now an official member of the Irish Society of Abu Dhabi!! Benefits include free Gaelic lessons, discounted Irish dancing lessons, and 20% off at a number of the Irish bars around town. Sláinte!

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Six of One, Half a Dozen of the Other

~ A comparison of two countries ~

Better in UAE: food delivery
Better in US: online shopping and delivery of everything else

Better in UAE: toilet paper holder that puts the “under/over” debate to rest
Better in US: toilet paper

Better in UAE: laid back lifestyle
Better in US: efficiency

Better in UAE: the price of a good mattress
Better in US: sheets

Better in UAE: MUCH less congestion during rush hour
Better in US: abiding by road rules

Better in UAE: gas prices
Better in US: gas station on every other corner

Better in UAE: housing included with job
Better in US: housing included my kids and cats

Better in UAE: malls
Better in US: don’t need to go to malls unless you like doing that sort of thing

Better in UAE: parking rates
Better in US: parking lots

Better in UAE: sunny every day
Better in US: four seasons

Better in UAE: communication from companies is via text and email
Better in US: working phones. And voicemail.

Better in UAE: no junk mail
Better in US: mail delivery via an actual street address, even if it’s mostly junk

Better in UAE: brunch (an entire post wil be dedicated to THIS phenomenon soon!)
Better in US: concerts and musicals

Better in UAE: fewer commercials on the radio
Better in US: morning talk. Kenny & Daisy can’t hold a candle to Eric & Kathy in
the morning.

Better in UAE: swimming pools
Better in US: movie stars

And who couldn't change THIS roll?

And who couldn’t change THIS roll?

Pulling out of this lot is like spinning your tires in several feet of snow

Pulling out of this lot is like spinning your tires in several feet of snow

The Power of a Logo

Logos are universal, which is one of the reasons that advertising is such big business.

After the day I just had, I couldn’t possibly post anything more than visuals… a series of photos I’ve collected while trolling the malls for the past few weeks. My students were bouncing off the walls today and have left me with no words.

There are a thousand stores in every mall, but here are some of the familiar chains:

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May tomorrow be a better day!

American (Sub-) Standard

Yes, this post is about bathrooms. Referred to as the “toilet” here- not the restroom, the bathroom, the ladies’ room, the loo, or the lounge- no mincing words. But regardless of its name, hands down the cleanest restrooms you’ll find in the world must be in the UAE. I’ve been here for a month and I’m still not used to the attention that is paid to public restrooms.

In Abu Dhabi, the facilities are immaculate because there’s always someone cleaning up after the patrons. I haven’t yet stressed how much of a service-oriented country this is, so let me veer off-topic for a paragraph. Many people, especially those from south Asian countries, come to the UAE to eek out a better living than they would at home. The service workers live in shared housing and ride plain white buses to and from work. They work long hours for little money by providing services that the Emerati neither want nor need to do themselves. You see, the UAE takes care of its people and since there aren’t many of them, relatively speaking, they allow others into the country on work visas to do the jobs the locals wouldn’t dream of. And these workers do their jobs happily! They’re the kindest, friendliest people you could hope to have a conversation with. So food servers, bartenders, valets, hotel staff, and gas station attendants are easy to converse with and chock-full of local information to boot. Coming from the U.S., I still feel like I need to tip (though it isn’t required) because so many of them deserve to make several times more in salary than they do. Now, keep in mind that two things I like about myself are my independence and my ability. I feel silly when someone removes my tray from a food court table (I told you we spend a lot of time in malls!) when I could just as easily do it for myself. Even so, I slowly find myself accepting this new lifestyle- having food and groceries delivered instead of picking them up, having a water delivery service, texting the cleaning lady to find out when she can come sweep the sand out of the apartment, letting the guy at the mall hail a taxi for me because I couldn’t possibly raise my own arm. There are wonderful ladies who clean the bathrooms in the English Dept at my school on a daily basis, and they also tend to our kitchen area. One young woman- I’ll call her Lola- makes copies for us… helllllllo!!!!!! Our 10th graders had a Welcome Assembly the other day (or at least I think they did… they received a mechanical pencil and a piece of candy so even though the whole thing was in Arabic, I know they weren’t getting in trouble for anything). After the assembly began, Lola passed out chocolate and tea to the teachers. Can you imagine??

But back to the toilets. Seriously, it’s rare if there isn’t an attendant in a public restroom. I’m not only talking restaurants and hotels, but the mall… the MALL. That means the paper towel and soap dispensers are always full and there are no questionable liquids on the floor or the seats. Just imagine feeling like you’re dining at Gibson’s every day when you really just ordered from Sbarro.
One exception to this observation is one of the bathrooms in Marina Mall, a place I’ve unwillingly visited more times than I can count. There’s a bathroom on the 2nd floor where not one, but two girls work at a time- I’m not sure why. At any rate, these girls spend more time taking selfies than anything else and I’m happy for them, making the best of a 10-hour shift in a public restroom. More power to ya, girls.

Now, let’s talk about private restrooms. Bidets are not uncommon here, though they’re not in our apartments. But every single bathroom stall in this country is equipped with a little personal shower thing. I don’t know what it’s called and in order to stay true to my blog revolving around personal observation only, I’m not gong to bother looking up its formal name. What’s important to know is that the two bathrooms in my apartment have a sink, a little shower sprayer, a toilet, and a bathtub/shower combo.. no water conservation here.

I’ve received several negative comments, texts, and PMs when I don’t include pics with my posts. It’s a little more difficult to take pictures/videos here because we’re supposed to be wary of those who may not want to appear in random blog/ Facebook posts, so if I don’t feel like it’s appropriate I don’t break out the iPhone. The only pic I’ll post here is of my guest bathroom, just for fun and to avoid any backlash. I know it’s not too exciting, but here you go. Imagine having these in your house while raising little kids- all I ever dealt with in the U.S was my kids unrolling all the toilet paper, but what a party this would be!

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I Ain’t Missin’ You At All…

What I miss:

Family & Friends- What can I say about this? We had free wifi at the InterContinental hotel for our first week in Abu Dhabi. Although Viber was blocked, I was able to Skype quite often with my family members. Kate is 8 hours behind me- and Jenna, along with all my Chicago-area family, is 9 hours behind, so though it doesn’t always work out to be a great time to chat, I’d talk to them either early in the morning or around midnight my time. After moving into my apartment, my internet was supposed to be hooked up on Aug 23rd but I’m still waiting on Sept 7th. Grrrrr. I’ve been able to find a few wifi spots but it’s definitely not the same as being able to chat from the comfort of my own place. I’ve basically been staying in contact with a few friends through either FB messenger or email. Typing email on my iphone has gotten really old, so I often relay only the short version of my ecapades. My blog lets people know I’m alive and well and conveys most of what I want to report. I’ll also sporadically call my kids internationally and say, “Talk fast but don’t leave out the good stuff!” Can’t wait to get all my tech up and running. There’s an IT guy who will come over after I get internet and he’ll fix everything so I have a local phone, a U.S. phone to make super-cheap calls, and Apple TV- I haven’t seen a tv show since I left the hotel and even then the only English channels were CNN and a comedy channel that showed older John Candy-type movies and two-week old Jimmy Fallon and Seth Meyers episodes- I didn’t appreciate it while I had it, mostly because all of the Tonight Show episodes were repeats as I had just watched them while I was still at home.

Online Ordering- The only thing you can easily order online here is food! Fast and free delivery from most places. We don’t have addresses in Abu Dhabi so you either have to get a PO Box to have mail sent from home or use a company called Shop & Ship that accepts your overseas delivery and then sets up a time to bring it to you when you’re home. In Lombard, I lived next to a Target and still had most things shipped from there, which shows you how much I hate walking into stores. I’m also an Amazon Prime member since approximately 75% of my expendable income goes to them. Soooo missing the convenience factor right now. We have to go to the crazy “malls” for almost everything here. What a nightmare!

Structure- Way back when (aka last week), my school began at 8:00 and let out at 3:05. Our current hours are 8:00- 3:15. Next week we’re scheduled to work 8:05-3:30. What’s up with that? Routines here change at the drop of a hat. Someone stamps a piece of paper and voila! the bill becomes a law. These minute changes really do affect my drive though. Starting early, I avoided the two backups I now hit while on the road. They’re maybe 3-5 minute backups, which is no big deal compared to bumper-to-bumper Chicago rush hours, but when I left ten minutes earlier I avoided them altogether. Why not just keep leaving earlier, you ask? NO ONE gets to work early and no one stays late. In fact, you can get locked inside the courtyard if you linger too long after the final bell.
Speaking of bells, they go off randomly at school. And when they ring, whether it’s the correct time or not, we switch to the next period. That time might be added on to another class during the day, or the final bell may just ring early. You never know. So classes have run anywhere from 30-70 minutes and we just keep teaching until we get the signal. That, coupled with the fact that I meet with three 10th grade classes for 15 random hours within each two week period, means I just have to plan broadly and keep track of where I leave off with each class. I miss the continuity of life and school at home.

A classroom- The girls stay in the same room all day, save for a 25-minute break after 3rd period and a 20-minute break after 5th. Yes, they’re cooped up most of the day and tend to get rowdy. Plus, they have no fine arts, no P.E. class, no after-school clubs or sports. I miss these things for a few reasons, one being that some students are not academically-oriented and the fine arts classes let them stand out where they’d otherwise be invisible, and also because the activity of gym class or even 5-minute passing periods would allow them to socialize and release some of their energy throughout the day. When on break, the girls just mill around in small groups or walk back and forth across the school’s open-air, inner courtyard (mind you, at this time of year it easily hits 105 each afternoon). No after-school activities means I have no opportunity to moderate a club or watch them play games, which is a side of my students that I’ve always enjoyed seeing. I only know them in the single environment of the classroom.
Since the girls stay in the same room all day and the teachers rotate, we have to bring all our supplies for everything we’re doing each day, up and down stairs, no less. I get to decorate one half of a bulletin board in each room. We just started working on our bulletin board sections today since the girls finally have some work to display. I miss having a “home base” at work because I could really put their creative powers to work if given the means.
A favorite saying around here is “You’re not in Kansas anymore.” And for as exciting an adventure as this is, I can also reassure everyone I know and love that “There’s no place like home!”

Along Came Serena

In a previous post I mentioned how terrified I was to drive in Abu Dhabi. Anyone who has ridden in a car with me back home knows I’m a fairly aggressive driver so that just goes to show how nutty it is around here. I can only equate it to video games like Mario Kart and Frogger where every man’s for himself, hoping against all odds to win the game and stay alive. Several observations have struck me as odder than odd, and here they are:
1. Left turn lane: U-turns are the norm as sometimes you have to pass your destination and then turn around and backtrack to get there (reminds me of how it’s done in parts of Michigan but with longer backtracking) I’ve noticed that the left turn lane is often used for u-turns while the next lane over- with an arrow pointing straight- is used by those who want to make a regular left turn. Legal? No! But common.
2. Turn signals: I feel stupid using mine because hardly anyone else does. Instead of signaling to change lanes, drivers use the weave and honk method. My theory is that with so many expat teachers here we can overtake the crazy drivers and show them how it’s done properly. In other words, I’m trying to start a revolution so I make it home in one piece.
3. Speed and red light cameras: I’ll be the first to admit I tend to be a little heavy on the gas pedal. Speeds here range from 40-120 km/hr (so 25-75 mph just like at home). I’m not sure about regular roads but a nice young Emirati man explained to me that one can drive 20 km/hr over the posted highway limit but on the 21st km over (if your area is monitored) you’ll be notified of a ticket. So that’s incentive enough to be cognisant of the signs. Now, I’ve also gotten my fair share of red light tickets in Chicago. What’s monitored is not the “make a full stop before turning right” rule because they don’t have that here (BONUS!), but actually running a red light. The green light flashes three times and is followed by a super-short yellow light. If you run the red… automatic ticket. I’ve only seen one person run a red since I’ve been here- most people slam on the brakes when they see the flashing green. I wonder if the ticket fine is heavier because many more people disobey the speed rule than the red light rule.
4. Parking: Whenever, wherever. I had to go to ADEC headquarters the other day and since their tiny lot was full I went in search of a spot. I pulled into a sand parking lot and wedged my way into a “space”. When I returned a few hours later, the aisles within the lot were completely blocked by other cars. Luckily I had offered to drive someone else home so she guided me out of my spot as I backed up and pulled forward into what amounted to a 20-point turn executed in 4-inch increments. No scratches or dents, so it was a victory! I’ve also noticed cars parked on sidewalks… never thought of that one before! And streetside parallel parking? Just park facing either direction and don’t give it a second thought.
5. Stop signs- they’re not even “STOP”tional, they’re for decoration only.
Now I will introduce Serena. She’s a godsend. I picked her up at a Wal-mart type store called Carrefour- in the basement of the mall, of course. Serena is my GPS; she guides me in her lilting British voice (everything is more British than Amercian here, as you might suspect) and delivers me promptly to my destinations. Since there are no addresses, I type in the name of the destination or the coordinates and she does the navigation. I’m convinced she takes the long way sometimes but I don’t know enough to challenge her yet. My school has three words in its name; it took awhile to figure out that Serena only recognizes the name when I type it as one big word, but she’s just efficient like that. I’d be SO lost without her. She calmly directs me to “drive 700 kilometers and turn left on the unpaved road” or “at the roundabout, take the 3rd street.” I’ve only driven once in the dark and it was close to home, but she has given me the confidence to get behind the wheel instead of calling for a taxi or asking for a ride. So look out, fellow drivers, because I’m watching and taking notes! I WILL survive!
I apologize for the low quality of some of my photos. I could blame the glare from the sun on the windshield and the fact that my iphone camera lens fogs up on occasion, but that wouldn’t make anything better now, would it?
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Home Sweet Home

Instead of scattering teachers all over the city, our employer has consolidated the city dwellers into the same apartment building. But this isn’t just any building. It’s city living… it’s island living… I’m the first to admit I couldn’t afford to to live this way at home. We’ve been placed in Arc Tower, a twenty-two story, 900-unit high rise on Reem Island in Abu Dhabi. The neighboring building is called Gate Towers. Because everyone uses landmarks as guides, I fondly nicknamed it “The Trip” before I knew the real name because it consists of three high-rises and a “penthouse bridge” that connects the tops of the buildings. Mind you, telling a taxi driver you live next to The Trip doesn’t get you anywhere, but I’m having fun renaming buildings so just play along. We’re also flanked by Sun Tower and Sky Tower. Yep, towers everywhere, and they’re all approximately three times higher than The Arc. The building we’re in is still under construction but there’s a 2nd floor walkway that connects us to Sky Tower. Inside Sky is a smaller “boutique mall” that has restaurants and a grocery store, plus a pharmacy, nail salon, bank, gelato store, coffee shop, etc. It’s not a far walk but everything can also be delivered because that’s just how service is here (and there usually aren’t delivery fees, either).
I haven’t scouted the whole area yet, mostly because I’ve been waiting for deliveries for the past few days, but I’ve managed to discover a few cool features. I have a view of a pool and playground from my apartment and also found another pool about 30m from this one (see? I’m going metric!) with a lazy river adjacent to it. There are also squash, tennis and basketball courts, multiple workout rooms, and a weight room, all included. A construction-laden area where road detours abound, it’s quite a challenging neighborhood to navigate, but within the confines of the Arc it’s heaven.
I live in a brand new, 76.5 sq m (824 sq ft) one bedroom, 1.5 bath apartment with an open kitchen that doesn’t have nearly enough drawer space, a cute breakfast bar, nice living room, small balcony, and tiny laundry area. My bedroom windows don’t open; they’re sandy on the outside but can only be washed by the management company. The door to the balcony opens out like a regular door; it doesn’t have a screen so I’m not sure how feasible it is to think I’ll leave it open in the coming months when the weather is milder. I have a view of downtown Abu Dhabi out both windows that reminds me of how- on a clear day- I have a view of the Chicago skyline out my bedroom window at home.
Now for the game show part of the story: each teacher was given apartment keys, 20,000 dirhams (approx $5,500 US), and five days in which to furnish an apartment. In reality you can take longer than five days but your hotel stay is up at that time, so most of us rushed out to shop. I hate shopping. And $5,500 is not a lot of money when you have to buy EVERYTHING. I bought a queen-size bed, headboard, nightstand, and bookshelf for my bedroom. For the kitchen I decided on a microwave/ convection oven/ grill (it’s fantastic!), a single electric burner, refrigerator, water dispenser, and three bar stools. My living room will consist of a sofa, chair, ottoman, coffee table, side tables, rug, tv stand, and an LG flat screen. I also bought a washer/dryer combo, not stacked, but where the clothes wash and dry in the same drum. Not sure about that purchase yet, but space and money are tight so I made a decision and will hope for the best. A week into this, I’m still waiting on the sofa (it’s on a truck that just can’t seem to get here) and my blasted INTERNET.
So if you need me, you can find me on an island in the desert.. how cool is that??
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