suzannainthesand

I’m sick with I-don’t-know-what and have been worn down on and off for the past nine days. Luckily, I felt ok last Thursday and Friday nights so I was able to go out and socialize a bit. The Formula 1 Abu Dhabi Grand Prix took place at Yas Marina Circuit this past weekend (won by Lewis Hamilton) and though I didn’t attend, there were dozens of activities in and around town that were fueled by the race. Concerts took place night after night, including Jason Derulo, Pharrell Williams, and The Who. Last Thursday, two of my friends gave me a ticket to the Formula 1 concert featuring various well known Arabic artists- not well known to me, of course, but to the locals. It took place at Du Arena, which is a nice outdoor venue next to the racetrack. Coming from Chicago, I’m often amazed at how thin the crowds are here, with tons of space for people to set up chairs and blankets on the Du Arena lawn. A draft beer was $17US, so with prices like that there was NO beer line all night. And since many of the people in attendance were locals and therefore not drinkers, there were no bathroom lines, either!
The following day, I went with my friend Gemma to the World Tour Championship golf tournament at Jumeirah Golf Estates in Dubai. One of the few names that either of us recognized was Rory McIlroy, and by a stroke of luck he teed off just after we arrived. We followed him until the 4th hole and then wandered around for a while, walking across the course before making our way to the gift shop (my dad’s now the proud owner of a golf ball while I added a magnet to the growing collection on my fridge.) A fun experience as it was the first golf tournament I’ve ever attended. It’s exactly like it appears on TV- lots of walking interspersed with short periods of quiet followed by refined applause. The parking lots and spectator walking paths were annoyingly all sand, but then again this is the desert so that stuff isn’t going to disappear anytime soon.

I don’t think calendry is a word but since moving here it has become an art. I’ve basically been able to keep track of my “social commitments” to this point, but everything else seems impossible to organize.

My work schedule: This is our tenth week of school, and my personal schedule at my place of employment has already changed twelve times. Where else on Earth would this happen? Sometimes my schedule changes by a class or two and other times it’s completely rearranged. A newbie just has to go with the flow- I’m probably one of the few who hasn’t made a beeline to administration when I’m presented with a modification; after all, I know it will be different next week. In addition to my hyper-awareness and constant double and triple-checking of where I need to be during any given class period (teachers don’t have their own classrooms and migrate from one room to the next hourly) our start and stop times have changed as well. Our current schedule of 7:45-3:15 has actually remained constant for, oh, a good five or six weeks now, but one never knows. We’ve also kept hours of 7:40-3:10 and 8am-3:30 (the 3:30 thing lasted about two days because the parents were up in arms about the late end of the school day- yay for them in that respect).

Bells: I can’t talk about bells very much, or I’ll go bat-shit crazy. Classes are generally fifty-five minutes long. And I stress the word “generally” because things can go haywire. Let’s take today for example. We were outside in the courtyard for morning announcements (a completely different post for a later date). The whole process ran long, so our first period class was cut down to 35 minutes. My 10th graders are in the middle of a huge “research” project that’s worth 60% of their first trimester grade. Because most of the girls don’t do much work outside of school, I scheduled time in the library this morning in order for them to make some headway. Right after announcements I met them in their classroom, took attendance, walked across the courtyard to the library, took attendance again (don’t ask) and set everyone up with something to work on. We were barely even settled when the end-of-class bell had the nerve to ring eight minutes early. This went on ALL day, with some classes running longer than they should and others shorter. Deep breath. Or better yet, “InSHALLah!!!!” with a choice word inserted between the first two syllables.

Sunday is the New Monday: No joke, for me this is one of the most difficult aspects of living in the UAE. Our workweek is Sunday-Thursday. It’s great on Thursdays since, once our weekend has begun, we do let loose and have some great times but Sundays are beastly. As I’m driving to work at 6:35 in the morning, all I think about is how my friends and family back home are smack in the middle of an enjoyable Saturday night. Makes me homesick because I know I’m missing out on so much fun stuff, which I guess is the downside of the upside of being blessed with having so many awesome people in my life. Not that the people here aren’t fantastic, but I think they all know where I’m coming from on this one.

UAE holidays: Many holidays are based on moon sightings, and days are counted to determine when the actual holiday will take place. This means that the school calendar changes as often as the sandscape (I think I made that word up too, but who cares, it’s only a blog). Veteran teachers know that weekend getaways and jaunts to other countries shouldn’t be booked until the last minute for this very reason. But many of us who are new to the UAE just want to see this part of the world and can’t believe that the calendar isn’t set in stone. We ALMOST got an extra day off two weeks ago but didn’t and we ALMOST got a 9-day holiday last month, but it ended up being a 4-day weekend. Don’t dangle the carrot in front of the tired and downtrodden- I don’t think Allah would approve.

Gone are the days of me juggling the schedules of three people, yet I find it more difficult here to manage just myself. I’m used to booking vacations in advance and planning and pre-paying for all kinds of activities. I’ve always been where I should be and at the right time, if not a few minutes early. I don’t like when things are so messed up that I can’t keep track of them in my head. Anal? Nah! Rigid? Possibly. I guess I’ll need to learn to be a bit more flexible in my old age. Thanks for letting me vent about my calendry issues. If it’s not a real word, it should be. I’m sure it would be worth a lot of points on Words with Friends. Instead of writing a book, maybe I should write a dictionary filled with words that weren’t words until they needed to be invented in order to describe this one-of-a-kind experience.

Shisha (sheesha) is the Persian word for what’s known as hookah back in my corner of the Western world. We’re talking water pipes today because smoking out of them is an incredibly popular “pastime” in the UAE. It’s not remotely healthy, but it’s my job to report to those who want to know. I’ve only been to one hookah bar in the U.S. but it’s the exact same thing, only much more widely-available here as you don’t need to go to a specialized establishment. Shisha is served in cafés, restaurants, bars, everywhere. In fact, we’ve gone to many places early in the evening where the pipes are already prepped and lined up- choose your flavor and you’re on your way. Because shisha is a social activity, the pipes are colorful and often ornate. For home use, pipes can be bought from stores on every other corner, which is just what I did. Here’s a pic of the lovely lady I chose:

I actually bought my pipe to serve as a centerpiece on my living room coffee table, a fun addition to my mostly-Ikea decorating. It qualifies as a piece of art and is one of the few authentic items I’ve purchased for my apartment. I also figured it would be put to use in social situations, rendering it multi-functional and worth the valuable space it takes up. I shopped for it with Tunisian a friend who was able to bargain the price down (yay for speaking Arabic) to “almost free,” including all accessories.

Now that I actually own one, I realize that this apparatus is fairly labor-intensive as it requires cleaning after each use with different size tiny brushes. Basically, it’s been used once so far, the day I bought it. But it looks pretty. The main components include:

Base or water jar: fairly self-explanatory- the bottom part that needs to be filled with water (or juice or ice)

Hose: a rubber tube that leads from the base to the user’s mouth

Bowl: the top section that houses the tobacco and charcoal

OK, so you put the water in the base. Using the pan pictured here,

heat up some charcoal (silver rectangles in pan above) with your handy-dandy crème brûlée blowtorch. Next, break up some of the gunk (below), which can contain tobacco or tobacco-free herbs; either way it’s supposedly marinated in molasses or honey with added flavoring and other ingredients that I’m absolutely positive are non-GMO, gluten-free, and completely organic:)

Put the tobacco in the bowl, cover it with foil and punch lots of little holes in it. Use tongs to lay a few pieces of charcoal on top and voilà! Shisha! Relax and enjoy ’til cleanup time. Or just order it tableside. Not good for you, but still good!

Inshallah is an Arabic phrase that translates to “God willing” or “if Allah wills it.” As with so many other phrases, the Arabic translation to English produces various spellings:

Inshallah
InshaAllah
Insha’Allah
Nshallah

I choose to use the form that is easiest for me, as there seems to be no right or wrong way to spell names, places, and phrases here; it has something to do with dropping vowels in Arabic. I’ve tried to grasp the concept but haven’t yet because 1) I don’t know the Arabic language beyond very few words and phrases and 2) this is just SUCH an unacceptable practice for an English teacher.

Use of the phrase “Inshallah” basically acknowledges that you’re submitting to the will of God and whatever happens is the way it’s meant to be. I can see how this fits into the Islamic lifestyle because Muslims believe that God has a plan and it’s all for the best. Because they don’t separate religion and culture, their religious beliefs govern all that is done here- a nice concept but it can be maddening at times.

Setting up house in the UAE has been a tedious process; time can stand still here. I often think of the movie Groundhog Day, where Bill Murray relives the same scenario over and over until he gets it right. We go to the same businesses and stores time and again trying to get service and fix problems. Most issues are resolved at a slow pace, if at all. Meetings start late, class schedules vary weekly, businesses are randomly closed during peak hours. From setting up my bank account to cable/internet, document translation, driver’s license, furniture delivery, car rental, cell phone service, work portal logon info, getting situated often required multiple frustrating in-person visits. In most places, you take a number then wait randomly for your letter/number combo to flash above a ‘customer service’ desk. This can take anywhere from ten minutes to an hour, but you quickly learn that having your number called doesn’t even mean that anyone’s really going to HELP you. Inshallah. God is definitely not willing things to happen as quickly as I am.

I went to the bank twice to finish setting up my online banking and was turned away both times. The first time, the guy told me I needed my passport and resident visa to proceed. I had not yet received my passport back with the visa page in it so I went home defeated. Lo and behold, I learn three days later that my passport is ready for pickup. I return to the same guy at the same bank, armed with every single document I had only to be told that he couldn’t assist me because I can only get help “over the phone”. OMG, are you serious? You’re the same person who told me to come back with my passport and visa! Can we call from the bank right now? No, he doesn’t have a phone. Really? A bank with no phone? Oddly enough, on that particular day, my phone wasn’t working either. “Inshallah, you will have your online banking as soon as you can call them.” Translation: Please leave so I can NOT help the next customer.

Same story with my cell phone but I won’t bore you with the details. “Inshallah, your complaint will be resolved and your phone should work tomorrow.” Ten days and two more trips later, God finally willed it to happen.

My internet appointment was set for Aug 27 but, brace yourself for the shock…. no technician appeared. Turns out the cable company was “out of cable boxes,” probably because they force you to pay for a cable box even if you only want internet. “Can you just send a tech over to hook up my internet? I need to work and Skype my family and I’m sitting in the hallway borrowing wifi from the lucky ones who got connected before the big cable box shortage hit. In fact, I don’t even WANT the cable box!” No, you must wait for the cable box. Inshallah, we will have them soon. Turns out it was God’s will that I had to wait three weeks for internet and no one else could do anything to speed the process along.

Even though I understand the whole “Inshallah” concept, I can’t get past the thought that it’s just carried too far sometimes. The other day, I saw a kid in a car standing on the front passenger seat, facing backwards and flailing his arms at his siblings in the back. Inshallah, little guy, you don’t go through the windshield. Although there’s such a thing as surrendering yourself to a Higher Power, didn’t God give us our own sensibilities for a reason?

I now pronounce Inshallah the same way people at home say “whatEVer!” and I use the phrase in similar instances. I know that’s not the way it was meant to be used, but I don’t think God’s intent is for everything to be in a state of complete disarray all the time, either. InSHALLah, I’ll chill out over time and accept this lifestyle more easily. Meanwhile, InSHALLah, God won’t be mad at me for saying Inshallah like a drama queen all the time. Inshallah, InshAllah, Insha’Allah, Nshallah… whatEVVVVVer!

More than a few people have asked me about drinking in the UAE. A common misconception is that it’s not allowed, which is most certainly not the case for non-Muslims. However, there are only two choices for the rest of us: go to a private residence or a hotel bar. Taxis are always in order because the UAE has a zero tolerance driving policy. And with the rate that traffic accidents occur around here, it’s not a risk worth taking!

Hotels: With few exceptions, liquor can only be served in hotels. Every hotel has at least one bar, if not several. So far we’ve been to Irish bars, an English pub, a jazz bar, and a couple nightclubs (flashing laser lights and loud music with a driving beat aren’t my thing so I’ve already experienced my first and last visit to two places). What’s popular at some of the clubs are reserved tables where there’s a per person minimum and sometimes a table fee on top of that. It can get pricey: all beer is imported so a pint of Guinness is generally around $9+ while a Budweiser is right on its tails. Mixed drinks are expensive and wine is outrageous. A bottle of wine that’s less than ten bucks back home can go for over $90 in a hotel here. The only saving graces are teacher discounts, happy hours, and ladies’ nights. I know this sounds like I’m out all the time, but once a week is about all I can swing. Seriously. Really.

Liquor Stores: A free liquor license is obtainable online through the “Special Licence” office. The requirements include an online app with the following docs uploaded: Emirates ID, resident visa passport page, passport photo page, and salary certificate. The penalty for drinking without a liquor license can be as much as five years in jail and AED 5000 fine so if you qualify for a license there’s no reason not to get it. Liquor is still expensive in the stores. Hard liquor is priced almost the same as at home, maybe a handful of dollars more per bottle. “Better” beer is about twice the U.S. price. I’ve found a few wines that I’d drink at home and they run double to triple the normal cost as well.

Hotel Brunches: Because Friday is the holy day in the UAE, many businesses have shorter hours, later hours, or are altogether closed. In order to appease the large non-Muslim community, Friday brunch has morphed into a huge, all-day social event. The thing about an Abu Dhabi brunch is that it never ends. The tables don’t turn over, so once you’ve paid your fee you’re in it for the long-haul. There are many different styles of brunches but, in general, picture yourself at a lavish wedding reception minus the bride and groom. Food, music, the works.

Last weekend I attended brunch at the Fairways restaurant in the Westin Abu Dhabi Golf Resort for the first time. It was a birthday celebration (thankfully not mine) so we had a large table of people who were happy to have survived another week at work and ready to kick back. For as big of a change as it is to be here, we all agreed that events like Friday brunch make up for a lot of the weekday hassles. We settled in for four hours of grazing- or gorging, depending on how you choose to see it. Of course, this brunch had it all: soups, cheeses, breads, Mediterranean fare, cooking station with meat and seafood (both raw and cooked to order), sushi, Asian, Italian, countless desserts, etc. We opted to include the bar package, which was only an additional $10 U.S. and is where we got our money’s worth; the hotel may not have even made a profit from us. A good time was had by all. Fortunately, as 4pm rolled around someone came up with the bright idea that we hadn’t had enough fun, so we carried the party to a nearby place and enjoyed good company and a wonderful view for another, umm, four or five hours or so. Enough said.

The Westin was actually not my virgin experience with this Friday phenomenon. Several weekends ago I had the pleasure of attending the “Welcome Back” brunch hosted by the Irish Society of Abu Dhabi in the beautiful Park Rotana Hotel. The event was from 1-6pm, which was trouble in itself as it not only included the food but an open bar as well, all for the pittance of 180dhs (or $50 USD) total. I arrived at approximately 3pm, as one of my very kind South African co-workers hosted a nice lunch at her house the same day. So, needless to say, by the time I arrived the party was in full swing. Upon entering, there was a huge buffet complete with prime rib, turkey, beef and kidney pie, chicken dishes, mashed potatoes, French fries, Yorkshire pudding, pastas, soups, salads, desserts, and more. There were bars set up in several corners of the ballroom, all crowded with thirsty Irishmen clamoring for drinks. Highlights of this increasingly insane afternoon included music by an Irish DJ, dance contests, and a raffle, By the time the raffle took place the announcers had to call out about 100 numbers for ten prizes because nobody was looking at (or possibly able to find) their tickets. My favorite line of the day came from a guy who was teetering in front of me at the bar: “Two vodka cranberries- easy on the ice, heavy on the vodka.” Yeah, that’s just what you need, buddy. Multiply that mentality by 600 people and I consider this people-watching extravaganza $50 well-spent. Such a delightful time was had that I’m now an official member of the Irish Society of Abu Dhabi!! Benefits include free Gaelic lessons, discounted Irish dancing lessons, and 20% off at a number of the Irish bars around town. Sláinte!